but yes, constant awareness and vigilance
I need to address the good-natured objections of people who say “it’s a restrictive diet.” “It makes social eating all-but impossible.” “You used to be crazy-obsessive about tracking everything you ate and now you’re doing it again.” “It’s even a calorie-restricted diet.” “If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck…”
Believe me, I understand the concern. I’ve been around myself-and-eating-disorders long enough. I hope it’s reassuring to hear that I’m monitoring my own obsessiveness, am keeping tabs on tendencies to restrict too stringently, and have set the intention to be able to keep myself in balance without always having to weigh/measure/track.
Here’s some more on how to distinguish between a therapeutic dietary strategy and an eating disorder.
what can be learned from personal mismanagement/misfortune
I gained a lot of weight in April. Over five pounds, over the big 90 for the first time in a couple years. More than I've gained inpatient at places that specialize in forcing people to gain weight.
The horrible irony: I was almost content. One of my scales said the "right number." I just wanted to lose two pounds so my other scale, which reads higher, would satisfy me too.
But this post isn't a pity party, nor is it a discussion about my weight. Having fallen into the weight-gaining dieter's oblivion, unable to look at what was going on, it's useful to put a spotlight on what happened.
The mechanism by which the diet pill involved facilitated weight gain might actually be helpful to other people in other contexts.
why controlled trials are worth less than people think
It's hitting 110 degrees today. So yesterday I finally bought shadecloth to cover my sunken beds. "Bought shadecloth" is a deceptive to-do list item, as it involved figuring out which store sells the cloth, where in said store it's located (store, of course, being a very big box), and what sort of shadecloth to get.
This means there was some inertia toward that whole project, despite the fact that I'd wanted to do it for some time. Also in inertia limbo: fixing the fence, and cutting back dead weeds in order to reach the fence, for which I had to purchase the appropriate tool, a matter of $10 but still a matter of inertia.
harnessing confirmation bias
I have an intention to be open to synchronicity. It happens all the time anyway, so why not ask for it? Yes, I'm aware of the objection that I'm autosuggesting it, that we see what we want to see to some extent--but why on earth not? If I whisper a prayer to see a message about peace and then find a message about peace on my way to the grocery store, my prayer is looking for peace, and finding it!
Sometimes I make specific requests, sometimes I just put an idea out there in a more general way. Lately, I've been thinking about doing a parasite cleanse, probably a couple weeks from now when I finish the current diet (which is a red-orange-yellow-white-spectrum-focusing diet whereby I don't eat any green/blue/brown/black food; I have eleven days left of 45). I'd been assembling the herbs that speak to me for such a cleanse. Then I found myself at a park, totally by chance, looking at what I thought were black walnut trees!